I know how hard to always act calmly, not to yell and keep a positive and wise attitude around kids, especially when they provoke you with an unacceptable behavior.
All parents see their kids as perfect as they wish them to be. It’s so frustrating when they start acting stubborn or refuse to eat or do their homework…. there are many behaviors that make you disappointed to a point you might loose it on them. Here comes the easiest solution: punishment!
Have you ever tried to reward and praise instead of penalizing? Because our kids learn better with love, punishment was never the ultimate solution. In contrary, punishments push your kids to be more stubborn and aggressive. Instead of telling your kid: “if you don’t finish your plate the ball will be confiscated for 3 days” get closer to give a hug and kiss and tell him”my big boy, if you finish your plate you will stay up one extra hour watching your favorite program”.
Rewards help to keep children motivated. You give them a choice and let them be the decision makers. You develop their logic and reason to know how to choose what’s best for them and push them to be responsible for their choices.
But between reward and blackmail there is a thin line. You should be careful not to let your kids manipulate you and put conditions to do things. For example he could tell you, if you buy me this toy i do my homework! This is the trap that you might fall in. To keep the game on the safe side, It’s the other way round; you suggest and not the kids. You explain that this is a reward and nice gesture from you to appreciate the efforts and not a condition to do their duties.
For that reason i came up with a way to reward Nady showing love and appreciation without opening his eyes to the blackmailing thing. We cut out together colorful hearts and stars (made with a homemade salt dough) and told him that each time i see that he deserves a gesture of kindness i will offer a heart/star, he will collect them and by the end of the week, we count how many he has to replace them with a reward. The more he has the bigger the reward is.
Rewards can be privileges, things or activities;
- Going to the park
- crafting together
- going for a bicycle ride
- going out for ice cream
- extra tv hour
- sleeping an hour late
- buying a toy of his choice
You know what your kids fancy and make them look forward to! But don’t forget along with the rewards should offer hugs and kisses to remind them how dear and precious they are, and no matter what they will remain the biggest love.
Actually i am thinking to give my son some hearts and stars and ask him to reward me too when he thinks i deserve it. I like this game 🙂
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Have you read Nielsen’s Positive Discipline? Really reminds me of it. Great post.
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I will! Thank you for the info x